Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Crushed

Few weeks ago something crushed my soul and made me lose hope in a lot of things in this world.  This detective made me lose the confidence I somewhat had that I wanted to prosecute and made me change my mind.  Is what I'm deciding the right thing?  I feel like this lost soul, not knowing of where to go, what to do.  What's right and what's wrong? Do I try and find justice to this injustice that was done unto me?
Why am I having this war in my head? 
Was he ever a friend? Does he really think women as just objects?  That he can do what he pleases? 
If he was drunk out of his mind what he did was not right! I don't care if he was drunk, he has to realize I did NOT give consent to what I found him doing to me.   If I had known I was going to be raped I would have called for someone anyone to come and get me when I was throwing up!   I am so upset I at myself that I let myself get in that position and I'm hurt that I lost trust I had in friends or anyone for that matter.  I don't feel good and I'm having such a hard time with this.  
I want to heal and I don't know what I can do to possibly begin to move on from this.  Its eating me up inside. What makes me, me feels like its dying.  I don't feel like myself anymore. 

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