I feel numb. So much going on in my life right now but I have this intense feeling I want to feel alive again. As if I didn't?
I don't understand it. I've noticed I have an intense need for some kind of change. Can anyone help me understand why?
I've highlighted my mundane, brunette hair. Let's begin with that. I'm normally content with my hair but I've been growing it out. It's quite long now. Before deciding to highlight it, I nearly decided to cut a lot of it off. That is when I decided to try some highlights instead to satisfy that need for change I was feeling. I still want to cut off two inches but that's less than what I was envisioning before. I'm trying to do things that satisfy this emotion I'm having and even though I do it thinking it would help me feel something, It still doesn't satisfy me.
My room.. I rearrange it all the time, throw things out, make room, switch it up, and it's never okay. I feel like my room is closing in on me and that is why I'm trying to get rid of things. I still want to change it some more. I feel like I'm suffocating, and I can't breathe... and I try to change that room and it really does absolutely nothing.
I don't know where or who, or what to turn to now. I honestly feel like I have no one. And the friends I once had, seem like they've abandoned me. And the only comfort I got today was from a fellow blogger. Thank you, it truly meant the world to me.
This being strong thing is extremely hard. I never thought that what happened to me would affect me this much. I can hope and pray it won't bother me in the future years, but I highly doubt it. These kind of emotions just spring on me and I have absolutely no control over them. Maybe the lack of control on my emotions really bother me too. I don't feel strong when they spring on me the way they do.
I'm tired of feeling like I do now. Emotionally exhausted because of these emotions that sprung on me.
I pray for the day I feel less and less of these type of emotions.
If anyone can help me understand my emotions feel free to comment. I appreciate any feedback to help me understand my thoughts, and give me somewhat clarity so I can try to heal from this. Surely seems like a never-ending story, but I'm attempting to take my first step.
Thanks for reading. It means a lot to me. <3
